For almost every daylight hour I spent in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, I faced a mural wall in Kamina.  Yep, for ten days, that is mostly what I saw.  When I was not at the orphanage, I crossed an intersection to go to my guesthouse.  I made that trip multiple times during the day.  And, I made the most of that experience.  It was my intersection.  I knew the people who sold lottery tickets and telephone credits in a little wooden booth.  I talked to the lady who sold dried insects (as a protein snack).  I play checkers - and was promptly massacred - by some of the guys who were always there.  Everyone at the intersection knew my name and why I was in their community.

There are some people I know I need to photograph for a portrait as soon as they cross my path.  Sometimes I am a little too shy to ask for the photo.  But, I had to get a picture of Fils (pronounced FEECE, like fleece without the "L").  He had a vibrant smile and simply bubbled with personality.  Although he appeared to only be about seven, it was clear he ran the little kiosk on the corner where phone minutes were sold.  There were usually three young guys there at all times, but Fils carried the cash in his pocket and walked with a confident swagger.  Somehow, mysteriously, he was the boss.
 
I asked Fils for his photo almost as soon as I saw him.  He said, “Non”.  You don't have to speak much French to know what that meant.  However, I was a photographer on a mission and not to be denied.  I explained that he didn’t understand the situation.  This was a moment that he was supposed to say “oui”.  So, we practiced.  Well, actually, I practiced.  He patiently listened to a crazy white man.  I said “oui” very high and then very low.  There were a lot of rapid fire “oui’s” as well as long drawn out “oui’s”.  Then, I just repeated “oui” over and over and seriously over again.  I kid you not, before the lesson was over, I must have said “oui” over fifty times.

I wore the guy down.  And, I did it in French.

Yes, I got my photo, but I also gained a friend.  Although Fils had nothing to do with the orphanage, eventually, he and one of his buddies came to paint on my mural.  I couldn't have been any more pleased.  However, I never called him Fils.  For the entire time I painted in Kamina, as far as I was concerned, his name was Oui Oui.

And, his smile will haunt me forever. 

In all of my journeys around the world, I've never really come face-to-face with malnutrition.  I never knew that its effects would last a lifetime.  I always assumed that if you finally ate well then all problems would be resolved.  Fils introduced me to malnutrition and gave it a face.  Fortunately, he appeared healthy and vibrant now, but he would always live with the results of malnutrition in infancy. As hard as it was for me to comprehend, Fils was twenty.

If at first you don't succeed, you already know what to do.  This little saying applies for so much.  Among the things that I can try, try again include my art.  You'll have to come up with your own list of what you may need to work and rework on.  But for me, in so many areas of my life, I don't always get it right the first time.

I thoroughly adore Alessa.  She is one of the muralists I met in Brasil.  And, you don't even need to speak the same language to see her glow.  She radiates warmth and kindness.  You would want to know her.  You would want to be her friend.  And, just like me, you would treasure every moment you could spend with her.  That's why I drew her portrait not too long ago.  It was a delightful pose, forming a heart over the tomato she so proudly painted on our mural in Barbosa Ferraz.  But, truth be told, I was not satisfied with the portrait.  Sometimes my portraits capture a very close likeness and sometimes they are a miss.

I have realized that I am not as satisfied with my art when the faces are smaller than my usual portrait size.  They just aren't as accurate.  I get the details drawn closer to my satisfaction when the faces are larger.  And, if the face is weathered with lots of wrinkles, it's easier to capture the likeness.  Alas! Beautiful Alessa has no wrinkles, the portrait wasn't as close as I'd like, and I've been thinking about the drawing for a while.

I finally had to redraw her to my satisfaction.

To get the face bigger, I had to cut down on the composition.  I lost the hands positioned with that beautiful heart.  But, in the end, I think I captured a much better likeness of Alessa.  I'm much more pleased.

Not everyone is an artist.  But, we all do things that sometimes need a do-over, a reboot or a start over.  It can be something simple like a recipe that went wrong.  It can be a piece of writing that just needs a little more revision.  But, sometimes, it's a little more complicated and things go wrong with relationships.  And, if it is important to you, you need to put effort into making amends, fixing some damage and staring a relationship over.

It's all a matter of T.L.C.  (If English isn't your first language, that's Tender Loving Care.)  To fix a recipe, you need more Time, Learning the recipe better and Compiling more ingredients.  To redraw a portrait, I need more Time, Lots of patience and a Collection of supplies.  Friendships need their own supply of T.L.C. as well. Again, they need Time, Lots of forgiveness and Communication.  (Notice how everything requires time?)

I have two friends of mine in mind.  I've spent a lot of wonderful time with these two people.  They are like brothers to me.  When I am with them, and the women they love, as well as their mutual friends, it is like one big happy family.  And, I love to be with them.  But, recently, I've heard from both of them separately.  Each has said, "I no longer hear from (the other brother) and I don't know what happened."  Well, life happened.  And, life can sometimes get in the way when we are too busy, because there never seems to be enough of that much-needed time.  Sometimes the wires of communication get messed up, feelings get hurt and friendships suffer.

Believe me, a good friendship is so much more important than a recipe, a piece of writing or one of my portraits.  If I'm willing to take the time to redo, redraw and start over on a portrait of a special person in my life, believe me, I'd be much more willing to do whatever is necessary to rescue a friendship in need.  The way I see it, if both of these people wrote to me and said that they don't know what happened, they both miss the friendship.   They both care about their lost brother.  And, they both need to sit down over a cup of coffee with some T.L.C.  Take the Time to be with each other again . . . add some more time together. . . and do it again.  Then, repeat.  Throw in a Lot, a huge amount, an enormous supply, of forgiveness.  Repeat as well.  Then, do it again.  And, Communicate about what happened or didn't happen.  Once cleared, no need to repeat and rehash.  Go back to the first two steps as much as necessary.  A friendship is too valuable to lose over lack of T.L.C.

This is good advice for anyone from any place.  If you happen to be from Brasil like Alessa, when the coffee is finished, you can end the conversation with a big hug.  That always works for me, but I've been told I have a Brasilian heart.