My last blog ended with two words that I never should have written . . . so far!  I talked about the best bear story of the season . . . so far.  It was an open invitation for the universe or a bear to turn around and bite me "you know where".  Well, you may imagine just where a bear would be tempted to bite a person.

You would be wrong.

Someone, someplace, sometime in the past week shared a bear tale.  When in Alaska, in my experience, the major conversations at the dinner table tend to be about fishing, hunting, and more fishing.  That never happens in my life in Ohio.  It’s safe to say never.  Never!

But, not in Alaska.

The someone telling this tale talked about a hunter who shot a moose.  He brought the critter back to the campsite to do whatever you might do with a moose corpse.  I only eat chocolate mousse, so I don’t know what you’d do with the other kind.  First of all, upon arrival at the camp, the hunter bragged about his remarkable hunting abilities.  However, whatever he wanted to do with the moose never happened.  A bear showed up at camp and took the moose out into the river for a swim. 

P.S.  Thankfully, I didn’t have another personal encounter with a bear in my last few days in Alaska.  But, the blog does come with an extra little bit to add to the story.

There was more excitement at the river camp when my sister arrived to prepare for breakfast.  She didn’t see a bear, fortunately, but like I have already told you, once they find food, bears like to return to the scene of the feast.  One bear, most likely one that enjoyed the invitation to the dump truck, came back for seconds. 

How did anyone know about his visit when there was no food around for him?  Good question.  The bear was nobody’s fool.  He knew that his last meal was in a vehicle.  And, my sister had several vehicles around the dining hall.  Peering into each window, looking for food, the bear pawed his way around every one of the trucks parked in the lot.  Muddy bear paw prints followed along as he searched.  I don’t think he found anything to munch on except the mirror that was ripped off the left side of a van.

When my brother-in-law drove into town, even the locals wanted to take pictures of the bear prints.  They’d never seen anything like it before.  As for me, I found it a delightful Alaskan story.  I was so glad that the bear returned to the river camp instead of the front porch next to my bedroom.  Any day, every day, I’d rather hear about a van with muddy paws instead of my dead body with bloody claws.

​I told you, I attended Bear School before walking the park.  I knew that I was supposed to keep at least a fifty-yard distance from all bears.  Too late to keep that rule.  I was less than that distance from this guy, without bear spray, and he was moving closer and closer.  You may not believe me, but I knew what to do under the circumstances. Get off the path.  Let me repeat, GET OFF THE PATH!  I climbed over fallen trees and vines to get a good distance away.  I wanted that bear to mildly struggle if he wanted to come in my direction.  But, I’d watched those critters for hours.  They were surprisingly graceful and quiet.  If he wanted to meet me up close and personally, in an Alaskan frontier manner, he could have done it.  I would have been toast.  But, thank goodness, an Ohio Buckeye isn’t nearly as delicious as Alaskan salmon.  And, that was what this bear had in mind as he walked towards the waterfall.

Also, in Bear School, I was told it was wise to keep sight of the bear at all times.  Well, I didn’t.  I seriously wanted to, but in order to get a safe distance away from the bear, I had to lose sight of the critter.  Eventually, he ambled down the path past me.  Yep, he stopped and looked at me before he moved along.  I took a photo, but the camera really wasn’t properly set.  I mean, when your life is mildly threatened, maintaining perfect camera technology is not a priority.

So, I had my bear moment in Alaska.  It was more than I needed and less than it could have been.  I’ll live with it.  Amanda had a much better Alaskan moment to share.

She was one of my favorite people to meet this year in Alaska.  Amanda worked as a member of the kitchen staff.  It’s an underpraised position.  She got up each morning at 4:35 to get ready for breakfast at 7:00 for the fishermen.  I don’t believe in getting up that early unless I have to go to the bathroom.

And, that brings me back to Amanda.

The kitchen crew and fishing guides live in an assortment of rustic cabins and sturdy tents on the campgrounds.  I, personally, would not enjoy a sturdy tent for several months and I'm not so sure about a rustic cabin.  Amanda lived in a cabin.  It had a heater but no electricity.  There were no sinks, no running water and no toilets.

If you are a cabin-dweller and nature happens to call you at 4:35 in the morning, your options are not the greatest. You could mosey on down to the bath house where you could find everything you need to do what you want to do. The problem is, you could find more than you need.  In those wee hours, when the area is covered with a morning fog, bears tend to roam the fishing camp.  If you are on your way to the bathroom, you don’t want a bear to show up.  That would cause anyone to go wee, wee, wee all the way home in their pants. 

Amanda is nobody’s dummy.  Her mama didn’t raise no fool.  And, she figured out a way to solve her problem that didn’t involve a long walk in the moonlight, under a starry sky, with a giant beast ready to slash her throat.  No, she went around to the backside of her cabin.  And if you need additional details, or if you want me to draw you a picture, it just isn’t going to happen.  

She went behind her cabin.

​Amanda squatted in the darkness “practicing her multiplication facts” or “pondering the wonders of the universe” when she heard a noise.  She thought it was another one of her fellow campers.  Since she didn’t want to flash them while she “recited the alphabet backwards”, she flashed the person with her flashlight. 
 
And, she saw the whites of their eyes!

Well, maybe she didn’t.  Actually, she saw a bear, face-to-face, while the bear saw a bare bottom.  Amanda did what everyone would do under those circumstances.  She screamed, “Save me!  Help!  I’m Terrified!”

Perhaps it was the light in his eyes.  Perhaps it was the shrill screaming of a terrified camper.  Fortunately, the bear was as frightened as Amanda and he dashed off into the darkness.  Amanda dashed, too, but it isn’t easy to run your fastest when you are trying to gather all your clothing about you.  So, just like in a horror movie when a person falls at the worst possible moment, Amanda tripped and fell flat on her face as she reached the front of her cabin.  The worst possible moment!  Very fortunately, no bear was present to witness the fall or slash her throat.

Under normal conditions, Amanda wouldn’t head to the kitchen until the generator was turned so there were lights.  She thought my sister was already in the kitchen that morning.  No, she was wrong.  Nearly dead wrong. The lights were on because the motion detector worked properly.  There were two bears lurking in the camp that morning.  One critter turned on the motion detector while the other strolled down the path for a personal encounter with Amanda.

Safely behind her cabin door, Amanda waited for my sister to finally arrive for breakfast preparations.  Only then would she set foot outside her cabin.  When she finally came to work, understandably a little late, she had a barely believable tale of an encounter with a bear who barely saw a bare bottom.  But (butt?), she survived and had the best bear “tail” of the season.

So far.